May 26, 2008

May 26, 2008 Dad thinks I'm fat, Grandma thinks I'm fat too. So anybody else? Does anyone else think I'm fat. I looked into the mirror this morning and to be honest – my face looked chubby and well….fat. I can’t cry anymore – I'm not a little kid and the man I always ran to when ever something bad happened was the monster chasing me in my dreams. It was the second time he called me that and he didn’t even appologize this time – so he’s gotta mean it. I can’t really talk to him or look at him with out being embarressed or self conscious. I have thought about anorexia or belimia but I'm not stupid enough to turn to either of those as an answer. I don’t think I have ever been or ever will be good enough for dad – how can I be when all he sees is a lazy fat slopy person with zits. I just want to hide from everyone. So I'm crying again because this pain is so intense and I feel alone GOD WHERE ARE YOU? I need to hear that I'm beautiful the way I am.