Amazing God

dude God is SO good.....early morining practice is being pushed back a half hour......no practice on friday.....practice on sunday is at 1:30 so i can go to church and college life...... and THURSDAY IS THE FIRST GAME ahhhhhh im so excitecd!!!!!! YAY. plus im moving home at semester i finally made my decision bc of the semester practice schedule for the spring......God is so faithful. like i was all stressing out about it at the begining of the year and was like what should i do what should i do and earlier this week and late last week i decided to stay in the dorms bc that where i thought God wanted me but then i talked to the coach today and he told me that monday-friday practice is going to be from 5-7 meaning i wouldn't get dinner at all second semester if i stayed at the dorms meaning i would have to go out to eat by myself really late and spend money. plus its cheaper to live at home i will never have to see Andrew again which makes me ectatic.....i really can't spell. but seriously college life was about anxiety and how we really ought not to worry because God gives us enough grace to get through all the sticky situations that have been placed in our lives for that ONE day and how we get new grace tomorrow bc the grace from yesterday and today don't carry over.....they are just for that day. i am so hyper right now im shaking from excitement. which is just emotion but really encouraging........dude seriously PRAISE JESUS! im listening to worship music and have been all day and every song either slow or up beat i have wanted to dance like a crazy person.....the Holy Spirit is def alive in me......why do i always put myself or other stupid pointless things first in life....like school and bball? i mean obviously its part of sinful nature which even as a christian i still have but since i am made new in Christ i should be able to over come it......i was reading james 3 today and the first few verses really hit me......they are about teaching others about Christ and how only some are really made for that and i know its prolly talking about being in higher positions in a church but i mean it still applies for missionaries....i mean they will be judged more and all bc their are putting themselves out there in the world to be viewed as a walking and living example so ever stumble and fall is criticized that much more then another and right now im not ready to do missions work or even know if im cut out for it - like if God made me for that ..... i mean obviously my purpose is to spread the word of God but maybe not over seas..... idk how God wants me to evangelize because i don't know my gift yet and thats because i dont focus enough on God i don't put Him high enough.....and im really working on that....so if you could pray for me in that area and encourage me that would be amazing. dang i wrote like a book but like i said i there is so much going on inside of me that i can't express it all......i still want to run away tho bc i dislike school but who ever likes it - good for them and their sick! haha jk. but idk.......im guna take a stab at nutrition and see if thats what God wants me to study.....i hate how greedy and selfish i am i mean sometimes they are covered up so easily like being picky about how i like my bananas and simple things and it really makes me sick......last night as i said my prayers i asked God to expose my sins....really let me see my heart. to change me to make me stronger to step away from the world....ahhhhhh i could cry at how Awesome God is and how much i chop off of His soap box and His thrown. it makes me feel like a horrible person because His love is Too much and for me its almost not enough ya know.... im gunna be mad if this thing has a word limit. oh man read the lyrics to How Deep The Father's Love For Us there amazing and so true....i have been listening to that song at least 6 times a day......lol. We are so undeserving can you believe that Jesus forgave us for EVERYTHING thousands of years before our parents even existed and yet our sin held Him on that cross things we hadn't even done and things we will still do and He still will love us.


I feel so broken yet whole at the same time.....i feel loved intimately loved and known. nothing else matters to me except to please God.....like i can't make it through a day on my own but because of God's promices i do. God knows. He knows that i hate school. He knows how much Sarah's cutting has hurt me and He carried me through that. and He will carry me through tomorrow's struggles and twenty years from now he will be there picking me up when i can't go on. He's always there. Glory be to God. i don't want to be apart of the world anymore i want to be apart of God's world.....His kingdom.does any of this make sense to you? i know i am just rambling but i am over whelmed with the Holy Spirit right now.