Where is the love?

I'm not seeing the love - I see hate and pain. People hitting other people like the one's they supposedly love, I hear the force of a hand layed on a dog for straying too far away. I know the pain that comes with harsh words. I don't get it, yet I take part in it. I think we all do to some degree - I don't hit someone out of anger to hurt them and i smack my dog hard enough to cause a slight sting but I don't beat on her until she cries. And I do say things to intentionally hurt someone.

I put up a wall - to protect me - my heart from hurt. I hate seeing a sad face on a child, or watching a tear roll down the cheek of a grown women. I always say God made my heart too big or too soft because I care - a lot. If I had the money or the resources - I would make sure that no child is homeless or with out a meal or forgotten. I would strive to end poverty in Africa and other 3rd world countries.

God has blessed me so much and I say I'm thankful but honestly - am I? I'm thankful for my college scholarship - because I don't know if I could afford to go to school if I didn't have it - so thank you coaches for allowing me to manage a second year! I have thought a lot about getting rid of my bed, dresser, desk and mini fridge - because I really DON'T need them. But my bed allows me to get up away from the draft which keeps me healthy-er...and my fridge - I may need it someday and if I don't then Caleb can take it to college in two years.

I take for granted everything.....especially my car. But now that I'm paying for my gas - I think that's going to change. I got a letter today from Isabella. She is a 10 year old girl who lives in Ghana, Africa. Everyone says its so cool that I sponsor her and yadda yadda yadda but to be honest - she encourages me so much in my walk with Christ - all I want to do is give her a hug and tell her I love her and that she is precious and priceless and not worthless like how the world says she is. I want to wipe away her tears and it hurts that I can't. She's my little girl, my daughter, my sister, my friend.

I don't see how people can be so unshaken by what's going on in the world - how they can spend thousands of dollars on things that grow old and break......people may think I'm the grinch but I don't want to celebrate christmas the "traditional" way anymore. My family used to be all about advent and reading out of the bible but as we grew older we dropped that so now its about the presents it seems - and it's not what its about. ..... just random thoughts.