I'm not seeing the love - I see hate and pain. People hitting other people like the one's they supposedly love, I hear the force of a hand layed on a dog for straying too far away. I know the pain that comes with harsh words. I don't get it, yet I take part in it. I think we all do to some degree - I don't hit someone out of anger to hurt them and i smack my dog hard enough to cause a slight sting but I don't beat on her until she cries. And I do say things to intentionally hurt someone.
I put up a wall - to protect me - my heart from hurt. I hate seeing a sad face on a child, or watching a tear roll down the cheek of a grown women. I always say God made my heart too big or too soft because I care - a lot. If I had the money or the resources - I would make sure that no child is homeless or with out a meal or forgotten. I would strive to end poverty in Africa and other 3rd world countries.
God has blessed me so much and I say I'm thankful but honestly - am I? I'm thankful for my college scholarship - because I don't know if I could afford to go to school if I didn't have it - so thank you coaches for allowing me to manage a second year! I have thought a lot about getting rid of my bed, dresser, desk and mini fridge - because I really DON'T need them. But my bed allows me to get up away from the draft which keeps me healthy-er...and my fridge - I may need it someday and if I don't then Caleb can take it to college in two years.
I take for granted everything.....especially my car. But now that I'm paying for my gas - I think that's going to change. I got a letter today from Isabella. She is a 10 year old girl who lives in Ghana, Africa. Everyone says its so cool that I sponsor her and yadda yadda yadda but to be honest - she encourages me so much in my walk with Christ - all I want to do is give her a hug and tell her I love her and that she is precious and priceless and not worthless like how the world says she is. I want to wipe away her tears and it hurts that I can't. She's my little girl, my daughter, my sister, my friend.
I don't see how people can be so unshaken by what's going on in the world - how they can spend thousands of dollars on things that grow old and break......people may think I'm the grinch but I don't want to celebrate christmas the "traditional" way anymore. My family used to be all about advent and reading out of the bible but as we grew older we dropped that so now its about the presents it seems - and it's not what its about. ..... just random thoughts.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Camp Week! Day 1
Wow - so i'm slightly dissappointed with the coaching of Montana. I mean the 8th and 9th grade girls don't know what a drop step is. But I guess its a good thing we are in camp - something to learn about the players and for the players to learn as well. The little campers are fun - i learned 10 names today....there's emma - coach bin's niece - we have a little secret handshake that she taught me so i feel pretty cool! and sydney so attached herself to me and gave me a hug before she left at noon and hannah who is fairly self concious about doing jumping jack infront of her peers that she let her peers do jumping jack for a good 2 minutes until tiny and i decided that letting the others be punished isn't fun for anyone. then there is kyle (not pronounced kylie but as in kyle like a boy) she likes jumping really high for a high five. There is nicole - she's blonde and has glasses and tyler and taylor and cloe - who i don't think has ever picked a basketball up in her life but hey i taught her how to shoot - hopefully it turns out well :-/ ha ha....hmmmm im missing 3 because the i had 10 in my group and sydney was in another.....OH CRAP - scanson i swear i have these down - k im back. meaghan - slaughtered spelling whoops - speaking of meagan (the trainer) i accidentaly called her heather and i honestly don't know why because i haven't seen or talked to heather in months - so my appolgies. devita - she is doing well - she looks indian to me - not like native american but as in a decendent from india! which is on the top 10 places i want to travel/missionary in. yes i do believe i am slightly ADD but ya know what evs. one more......this is one of those things that is going to kill me trying to think about it and at some rediculous hour it will come to me in my sleep.
so today after camp a dad came up to me to talk about the music - i see his point and i have been challenged - some of the songs are inappropriate for the younger kids - the lyrics i mean - the artist may not be using vulgar language but if you listen or even look up the lyrics - they mean something fairly dirty and can be degrading to people. However i listen to some of those songs like the bus song because i don't think its meaning is bad. I feel the same way about some country songs too tho. If it were me i would be rockin the toby mac and group 1 crew and david crowder but then people would be complaining because the lyrics are about God and Jesus Christ - there is no win win situation here.
Okay so a freak rain storm just blew by: gosh i love montana! the weather is so unpredictable! but anyway i danced it in - not really but i did go stand in the large drops of water falling from the sky. my favorite storms are the ones where half your house is being hailed on and the other is sunny!!!! okay - well im outy PEACE HOPE AND LOVE
so today after camp a dad came up to me to talk about the music - i see his point and i have been challenged - some of the songs are inappropriate for the younger kids - the lyrics i mean - the artist may not be using vulgar language but if you listen or even look up the lyrics - they mean something fairly dirty and can be degrading to people. However i listen to some of those songs like the bus song because i don't think its meaning is bad. I feel the same way about some country songs too tho. If it were me i would be rockin the toby mac and group 1 crew and david crowder but then people would be complaining because the lyrics are about God and Jesus Christ - there is no win win situation here.
Okay so a freak rain storm just blew by: gosh i love montana! the weather is so unpredictable! but anyway i danced it in - not really but i did go stand in the large drops of water falling from the sky. my favorite storms are the ones where half your house is being hailed on and the other is sunny!!!! okay - well im outy PEACE HOPE AND LOVE
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Broaster!
I hate cats - sorry cat lovers.
right now there are about 5 cats whining out side my window and one screamed and i really hope it dies because would be sweet.
I know - thats a little morbid but really.
kittens are cool but yea NOT so much. I think I ran a cat over last summer - but it was an HONEST mistake - i thought it was a gopher but then i realized........okay i wont continue. But I really want to put a cat into the broaster at work :) again morbid i realize this.
SHOUT OUTS: MEL and MITCH and ....... All Cat haters in the world - and all of china because i think they eat cats
right now there are about 5 cats whining out side my window and one screamed and i really hope it dies because would be sweet.
I know - thats a little morbid but really.
kittens are cool but yea NOT so much. I think I ran a cat over last summer - but it was an HONEST mistake - i thought it was a gopher but then i realized........okay i wont continue. But I really want to put a cat into the broaster at work :) again morbid i realize this.
SHOUT OUTS: MEL and MITCH and ....... All Cat haters in the world - and all of china because i think they eat cats
CRASH - its what im listening too
So I survived my 5-12 shift this morning! Thought my stomach was going to explode at one point but it didn't! I had an amazing opportunity to witness and encourage a co-worker today but i didn't take it - i didn't know what to say i wanted to hug her and cry and i wanted to say there is still time. ugh.
I have concluded that in strange early hours of the day - before the sun comes up i am very emotional. I listened to one song on the short drive to 4-corners and was tearing up. and then again when the mountains were a little hazy and in the shaddow and the green vallley below lit up by the sun. it was just crazy beautiful. I LOVE GOd'S CREATION!!!!! <3 <3 <3
BBall camp starts next week - I'm pretty stoked thats a week away from Betty - THANKS COACH! haha Betty isn't that bad - you just gotta let her words roll off your shoulder and know when to get a word in and make a point but with respect. This area of sticking up for myself is new to me - Im the queen at not saying a word if i am upset or offended.
oh my i need to clean my room so i don't get kicked out of the house but if i do - sienara im goin to Cali! Haahahaha okay not really Ill just live on a corner - oh snap but not like that - i mean like in a cardboard box! LOL.
PEACE!!!!!
I have concluded that in strange early hours of the day - before the sun comes up i am very emotional. I listened to one song on the short drive to 4-corners and was tearing up. and then again when the mountains were a little hazy and in the shaddow and the green vallley below lit up by the sun. it was just crazy beautiful. I LOVE GOd'S CREATION!!!!! <3 <3 <3
BBall camp starts next week - I'm pretty stoked thats a week away from Betty - THANKS COACH! haha Betty isn't that bad - you just gotta let her words roll off your shoulder and know when to get a word in and make a point but with respect. This area of sticking up for myself is new to me - Im the queen at not saying a word if i am upset or offended.
oh my i need to clean my room so i don't get kicked out of the house but if i do - sienara im goin to Cali! Haahahaha okay not really Ill just live on a corner - oh snap but not like that - i mean like in a cardboard box! LOL.
PEACE!!!!!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
lalalalalife!
YAY - so Betty chewed my rear out yet again for talking to my friend at work - saying as soon as mel walks into the room my work slows WAY down.....maybe it does maybe it doesn't i don't know. Im not really dwelling on it much because in all honesty as much as my boss grates me, i kinda feel bad for her. She seems miserable and tired - she's always reaming on someone over the littlest details - like which knife to use when dicing tomatoes or how to brown hamberger. I see a lack of Christ in her life, as with most of my employees. I just don't know how to reach out to them - and maybe mel and i can team up idk. but im not doing enough thats for sure!
Worship music is so filling to me right now - like its quenching my spiritual thirst but at the same time making me want more! Its awesome. There are so many songs that speak to my heart like be thou my vision and broken and beautiful, how deep the fathers love for us, jesus lover of my soul,....there are so many that the list could go on and on and on and on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1rqb1BG4JU is a new fav for sure its My Jesus by Todd Agnew.
oh and the water works always start up with this one: everything by lifehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
On my walk today i randomly picked flowers and leaves off trees and bushes of various color shape and size.....and just thought - "wow - Im holding creation in my hand" How cool is it to think that no one can duplicate the lilac - sure we can plant the seeds but if we to really make our own lilac then we would need to create the dirt and the water. I look around at the mountains the over flowing creeks and flourishing plants, the baby calves in the green pastures, the blue of the sky and the floofy clouds - and i am in awe. Driving takes so much out of life - we can't leisurly stop to smell the flowers or pop a squat next to a river jsut to listen to the movement of the water. Generally we are in a hurry to get somewhere when we are in a car - no time for dittle dattlying. now im thinking how i take my eyes, ears and legs for granted. I mean try to imagine waking up and you can't see or hear a thing - a childs face, watch your favorite tv show. so much for being i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t.
speaking about taking things for granted - im looking around my room and i have a ton of junk. clothes i never wear, shoe boxes full of papers i never look at, desk drawers filled with odds and ends that i can't seem to find a use for - earlier this week i compiled a list of things i have in my room that i really don't need the lists is as follows:
~my bed
~my dresser
~my desk
~my mini fridge
~my bean bag chair
now i know some people would disagree with my - like my dad. I don't need a bed - ask the high school basketball team from two years ago - i sleep pretty darn hard on an old dirty wood covered cement floor during basketball practice. my clothes can hang in my closet or be neatly folded and placed in boxes on the self. my desk only holds junk currently anyway so its just taking up space. i never sit in my chair and the fridge hasn't been plugged in once since december. Simplicity. Im starting to buy my clothes from second hand stores like Ross, Sacks and Salvation Army....I still get my dress clothes from the mall tho. My dad reacted like it was my right to have all these things like i earned it or something when the truth of the matter is luck. Im blessed to have enough money to have a bed - to go to the doctor - to get my teeth straightened out.
Okay that's enough for now - im out! PEACE
Worship music is so filling to me right now - like its quenching my spiritual thirst but at the same time making me want more! Its awesome. There are so many songs that speak to my heart like be thou my vision and broken and beautiful, how deep the fathers love for us, jesus lover of my soul,....there are so many that the list could go on and on and on and on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1rqb1BG4JU is a new fav for sure its My Jesus by Todd Agnew.
oh and the water works always start up with this one: everything by lifehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
On my walk today i randomly picked flowers and leaves off trees and bushes of various color shape and size.....and just thought - "wow - Im holding creation in my hand" How cool is it to think that no one can duplicate the lilac - sure we can plant the seeds but if we to really make our own lilac then we would need to create the dirt and the water. I look around at the mountains the over flowing creeks and flourishing plants, the baby calves in the green pastures, the blue of the sky and the floofy clouds - and i am in awe. Driving takes so much out of life - we can't leisurly stop to smell the flowers or pop a squat next to a river jsut to listen to the movement of the water. Generally we are in a hurry to get somewhere when we are in a car - no time for dittle dattlying. now im thinking how i take my eyes, ears and legs for granted. I mean try to imagine waking up and you can't see or hear a thing - a childs face, watch your favorite tv show. so much for being i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t.
speaking about taking things for granted - im looking around my room and i have a ton of junk. clothes i never wear, shoe boxes full of papers i never look at, desk drawers filled with odds and ends that i can't seem to find a use for - earlier this week i compiled a list of things i have in my room that i really don't need the lists is as follows:
~my bed
~my dresser
~my desk
~my mini fridge
~my bean bag chair
now i know some people would disagree with my - like my dad. I don't need a bed - ask the high school basketball team from two years ago - i sleep pretty darn hard on an old dirty wood covered cement floor during basketball practice. my clothes can hang in my closet or be neatly folded and placed in boxes on the self. my desk only holds junk currently anyway so its just taking up space. i never sit in my chair and the fridge hasn't been plugged in once since december. Simplicity. Im starting to buy my clothes from second hand stores like Ross, Sacks and Salvation Army....I still get my dress clothes from the mall tho. My dad reacted like it was my right to have all these things like i earned it or something when the truth of the matter is luck. Im blessed to have enough money to have a bed - to go to the doctor - to get my teeth straightened out.
Okay that's enough for now - im out! PEACE
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