And reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
So sick of envying the lWhy ives of so many I see
Somehow believing that they have what I need
My God's enough for me
This world has nothing I need
In this whole life I've seen My God's enough, enough for me
I can't explain why I suffer though I live for You
Those who deny You they have it better than I do
Cover my eyes now so that my heart can finally see
That in the end only You mean anything
Who have I in heaven but You
Nothing I desire but You
My heart may fail but not You
You are mine forever"
Why do I find myself being afraid of people? Of wanting what others have? Most of them don't have what they need - what I have, that which I neglect and take advantage of. I randomly came across this song by Barlow Girl the lyrics taken from Psalm 73 on Limewire then listened to it over and over and over.....on an airplane which then sent me on a journey....
It started with the verse Psalm 73:26 NIV
"My flesh and my heart may fail me but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I turned to my attention to the word PORTION and while I didn't have a dictionary I started thinking about various definitions and similar words and came up with: to be full, sufficient, satisfaction, enough, maximum, a part of a whole, Websters defines it as: a share recieved by gift, an individual's lot, fate or fortune.
God didn't give me a spirit of timidity but of power. I can't act in fear and cowardness for my entire life or it will be wasted and meaningless. Lately I have been thinking about my lack of self confidence - in my appearance - in front of people and in general. To some degree I don't care what people think of me - most of that's talk bc deep down I care a lot and occasionally it causes me to worry and stress out about my breakouts. My identity is in Christ ALONE. 1 Timothy reminded me of that today.
In Christ Alone:
"In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone,
Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand."
What am I doing with my time? Clearly not spending enough of it with God by being in His word or in prayer. I am finding myself at war with legalism and licentious living but God directs me through life into situations that refocuses me - puts me back on that trajectory that is the only way to Him - the Christ centered trajectory.
Father God thank you for not giving up on me, for constantly loving me even when I am consumed in my pride. God you have promiced me that you will never leave me or forsake me, that when my family and friends pass through my life that you are still with me. I can trust you in that God please help me to trust you in all areas of life God because I can't do it on my own. Father please reveil to my areas of my life where Satan has footholds. Lord you have given me a spirit of power/confidence and strength - Lord teach me how to be that in humilty and submission of your will. Abba thank you for sending your son Christ to pay my ransom on the cross. Amen.
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