Joyishness

How can I lose focus so easily? My prize is in Heaven yet I live like my prize is here on Earth. I live most days lukewarm tossing God the left overs. Lately I have had a problem with joy - not a person and not the feeling of emotion but the state of being. A friend told me recently;

"although happiness is great, it doesn't matter. joy is what matters. and having joy in the midst of whatever life throws at us is hard, but with Christ it is always possible."

1 Peter 1: 6-7 says: "In this you greatly rejoice though now for a while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

James 1:2-4 says: "Consider is pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Of course things are going to be tough. Being a Christian doesn't make all situations peachy. But being in Christ, trusting in His promises and resting in His care should give me a joy that is so deep and pure that nothing can distinguish it.

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

~ A.W. Tozer in the Pursuit of God

Sound of Music

Have you ever listened to a song at least a hundred times and on that one hundred and first time the meaning totally hits you, that you find yourself hanging on every word. A week ago Sunday it was the song: Hungry (falling on my knees) by Joy Williams, this past week it was Spoken For by MercyMe.

I have been so overwhelmed lately with school and basketball and I think it's mostly because I am so unorganized that I can't focus and prioritize my life and duties in such a mannor that I can truely get anything accomplished. I am definately my worst critic too, which doesn't help.

I lead on that everything is fine, when I truly don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy for longer than a couple hours. I don't sleep at night, because I keep thinking about all the things I didn't get done that day and the things I need to do the next. My neck is so stiff because that is where I carry all my stress; in my neck and shoulders. Mom is so worried that she thinks I need to go to a counselor or a shrink to talk about my life, since I don't talk to anyone else. I don't talk because no one listens, no one understands because no one knows. It's not just school that's bothering me - infact if anything that's the least of my worries, I just amplify it to thrawt issues going on in my personal life, with my friends and family.

I'm finding that inspite of all this, all the crap that happens in the day, all the stress, tasks left unfinished, arguments with mom, what have you - if I recenter myself around the Cross of Christ: I'm home. I enter a place where everything around me blurs and slows down. Where I find rest and comfort and peace and joy. All that really matters in life is God, telling others of the Good News and living life for the Glory of God in everything I do.

falling

Held so high
I touch the sky with all the boasting
My heart’s grown heavy
The praise now empty
The ground beneath my feet is shaking
I fall
The sting of hard ground is reality
Hits me harder as I hit it
I shatter and break
The appraisers scoff saying I let them down
But their bar was too high
Unbalanced I stood
Till I could stand no longer
I stand no longer before them
For they are my counsel no more