The Challenge

If I remember to do this, regardless of the fact that no one reads my blog, I'm going to try to do various challenges from eat, cooking, exercising, adventuring....every week starting today.

One of the tasks required to graduate is a lovely 20 page research based paper on the laws and policies of the United States. My topic specifically is Welfare and Adoption comparing the systems of the US and Ghana, ultimately to determine which leaves a child better off. I have had all semester to work on this beast, and I have gotten a lot tackled but alas! it's staring me in the eyes and with the deadline chasing my tail, it's time I conquer. So the challenge today, or this Thanksgiving weekend is to finish my paper for dad to edit.

Total Pages: 20 Days to work: 5
Pages Completed: 4
Pages Left: 16


I will update on Sunday.

the day after tomorrow....is the future.

In 4 weeks I say goodbye to my student status and hello to the world where Spring Break, Winter Break and Summer Vacation are all things of the past. I have no jobs lined up, I have no plans that are pressing. All I have are 2 plane tickets taking me to Alaska and bringing me home again where I hope to move out on my own and live a life worthy and not waste the time I have been given. I want to be purposeful not lackadaisical. Sometimes this seems like a child's dream, the perfect house, job, family. I don't want to settle for anything less than being sincere, loving, gracious, thankful and humble.

Crazy Life

As I finish the juicy tang of a blood orange I am in my thoughts. It's spring break and I have parked myself in the library in a cozy a Lazy Boy over looking the Bridgers and Ale Works. My last Spring Break ever and I am stuck indoors doing homework, well supposed to be doing homework. The crisp air outside is Winter's way of holding on to the bitter end and I am waiting in anticipation, for a phone call from the wrong boy, and an email hopefully locking in my summer plans. I think I am going to wipe this one off the books. Studying is not an option at the moment. going to find something to do that is enjoyable.

peace and rest

Coping strategies, everyone has their own. Some resort to the bottle or drugs, some to their beds, some to adrenaline and others (like myself) just keep busy. The busier the better, if you don't have time to think about it (whatever it is that is bothering you) then you wont think about it. The problem with all of these, is that once the hangover is there, once the adrenalin fades, when you wake up and when you run out of things to do, your mind is flooded with that which you worked so hard to avoid. This is where you try harder and harder drink more and more, sleep more and takes sleeping pills to sleep longer and deeper, work your brain to the point of exhaustion.

There has to be another way.

Question: What do you want?

Answer: I have no idea.

I'm 3 semesters away from graduating and I just don't know. Upper division classes allow me to actually design projects focusing on what I want to do, and I have no ideas. It scares me a little, or a lot. I feel like I have no direction in life. I'm stressing about money because I seem to be spending more than what I take in, I'm freaking out that I don't have enough time to do all my homework.....as I am writing this while watching a movie when I could/should be studying.

People around me keep telling me that I look sad, that they want to see me with a nice guy and such. I don't know what I want, or maybe I do but I shouldn't want it or pursue it.

My stomach is in a knot when I think about it.

gone baby gone baby gone

It's gone. The summer, the warm weather, the "man-friend" and my hair.

Summer seems like it just got started and yet school is just around the corner. I have three count them 3 (1, 2, 3) semesters left THAT'S IT!!! AHHHHH. I can't believe how fast college went. So many good memories.

The weather was strange this summer............it was cold. which is nice because it seems that we are never satisfied with it either being too cold or too hot but this summer was in my opinion really quite perfect. There were some intense heat on days and lately getting some rain but it is nice. BTW...I actually tanned for the first time in my life. Granted next to most I am still very much pasty white, but for me I am tan.

The man-friend turned out to be nothing close to the title. I am still healing from it, and learning to trust guys again. Are there any decent dudes out there or are they all sex crazed and driven maniacs?

My hair is always changing....short or long....i kinda miss my long hair but i kinda like it short. I wish I knew how to style it better or more because basically I always wear it in a pony tail. I do know that I am thankful that it isn't choking me in my sleep anymore like it did when it was longer. :)

Mmmmm so what is new in my life?

I have a job. It's wonderful. It's at a hotel owned locally and it's a total blast!! I love how similar yet diverse it is. I mean you say the same thing pretty much all day long but depending on who is on the other side of the counter or on the other end of the phone is what makes it different. Some people are really hard to deal with and you just really want them to go away and others you want there all day long to keep the good times a rollin. Ha ha. my coworkers are pretty chill too. Kinda weird tho, well lets just say parting sex driven guys mostly and then a few awesome ladies. So much gossip goes down in the business and I am trying not to get caught up in it but it is definitely tough.

I am happy and content being single, and maybe its fear that is keeping me away from dating but at the same time i do need time to heal and to focus on my faith and just on being me.

Well, until next time.
Rach

the end

I said goodbye
Yet the tears I cry
Of shame, guilt and anger remain
Deep inside
I try to hide the hurt, the dirt the truth of crime
Against me you plead baby stay fight through this with me
I trusted you
You smashed that trust into idy bity pieces, sharp like glass and my heart was torn
Trying to clean up the mess
Fear set in, would you do it again. You said no but you said that before.
Where’s the respect
You said you’re different, you aren’t like the rest…boy you sure failed that test.
You did worse than the worst I knew, I’m so glad I’m through with you.