Switching Gears

It's been awhile since my last post, and due to new directions my life is taking I have started a new blog which you can find under my profile or by following this link: girlmeetspolarbear.blogspot.com

yup yup yup uh-huh!

if you could measure the joy and happiness i am experiencing right now for being finished with my 20 page law paper, just a "pinch", "skosh", "smidgen" doesn't even begin to describe the relief and weight lifted off my shoulders. but at the same time using cups, oz, liters, lbs doesn't make sense as measurement terms.

i just feel like dancing foolishly, fist pumpin with the white man over bite. :D

tomorrow is the last day of regular class. friday the paper is due. monday is nasx final: exam 3. wed: listen to presentations and give a presentation. EL FIN!!

Dead Week

Welcome to the last week of college classes known as dead week. It is here that you find most students in their favorite study positions writing up their last papers, studying for finals or other exams and sleeping. Today you find me on the floor of my living room, Christmas tree lit in all its splendor, a mug of hot tea and Storyhill's harmony quietly breaking the silence and occasional hum of the heater. Yes, I too am cramming. Trying to fill pages with interpretation of policy.

This week brings me ever closer to graduating!! Since all my assignments are completed apart from this one monster that I have been wrestling with all semester, I am focusing all my engery and tactics on finishing it today, to begin the editing/revising process tomorrow and the rest of the week until the due date: Friday.

The ground is finally covered with a familiar white blanket of snow, much too scarce for what is normal for December, but it will do.

November 29, 2011

The wind is bustling a winter chill that seeps deep into the bones today. Great day to stay inside and write papers. Last night was a great accomplishment of 2 papers totaling 6 pages. But ALAS! the 20 page paper is still incomplete. In grade school, if turned in as such it would attain a big I...in college, a fat red F luckily though, I still have a few more evenings to write and edit. I just need to escape the grasp that writer's block has on me.

3 days of class left.
2 days of finals! thankfully this is spread out over 2 weeks!

I have: 1 comprehensive report, 1 20 page paper, 1 exam, 2 presentations.


Random tidbits: I shaved my legs a day early...no shave november girls can participate too! although after that experience I don't think I will ever again.

Luke 15:7 "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

My Uncle asked for forgiveness today. After 10 years of surrounding him in prayer. God is due praise because only he can love us enough to give us his grace that forgives sins, washing us white as snow, rendering us children of God.


Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Distracted

Everything bad seems to come in 3s doesn't it, or is it just me? As of right now there are only two events in my life that consume my mind. The first is my best friend's mother-in-law who has just had her second surgery to stop a brain aneurysm, and actually had part of a blood vein removed. Luckily she isn't paralyzed like the doctors expected would be the result. She is also due for open heart surgery here soon. The second is my uncle. When I was in high school he had one of his legs amputated and we recently just heard that he is in the hospital needing the other leg removed as well. At 60 some years of age he will be bed bound for the rest of his life. My heart aches for them. My uncle doesn't know the Lord so it's that much scarier not knowing what is going to happen, but I press on, resting in the grace of God.

I'm still 8 pages away from being done with my paper. I guess I will use it as an escape today, to keep the thoughts in my mind and the pain in my heart at bay.

To my readers out there, where ever you are....plz pray.

Paper Challenge update

Last time I left having Total Pages: 20 Days to work: 5 Pages Completed: 4 Pages Left: 16. Thanksgiving was a complete failure on all fronts, in a comatose state of turkey noms I worked that evening in a very inactive hotel, mostly playing Angry Birds and texting random ppl. Friday came and past. I spent 2 hours standing in line at JoAnn's to purchase fabric for my brother's Christmas present. My love for babies and elderly women grew more as two beautiful older gals allowed me to put my 6 fabric bolts in their cart. Between them and the 7 month old babe and his momma in front of me I learned WAY more about nursing and breast milk than a 22 year old single woman should ever known...but at least I know what to expect 5 years from now right!? Last night ended with more work, however this time, I was greeted with 30 garbage cans that needed to be emptied, toilets scrubbed, towels washed and folded. I still managed to play a few rounds of Angry Birds and contemplate the next section of my paper. Today is Saturday, I spent most of the day surrounded in my research, laptop plugged in and the urge to compose a brilliant literary piece worthy of an A, however, little has been accomplished today. Angry Birds and texting my lil sis and dear friend/classmate. So where does this leave me? Shockingly....I have 8 pages to left to fill with knowledge! Maybe tomorrow I will find a quaint coffee shop or library type setting, where Christmas movies don't feed my procrastination and caffeine jolts my spirits and fingers to do everything a lot faster.

Okay folks,
I will get back to you soon. This weeks hold a lot of craziness so this weeks Challenge is to be in bed by 10:30pm every night and drink 1 nalgene bottle of water everyday.

The Challenge

If I remember to do this, regardless of the fact that no one reads my blog, I'm going to try to do various challenges from eat, cooking, exercising, adventuring....every week starting today.

One of the tasks required to graduate is a lovely 20 page research based paper on the laws and policies of the United States. My topic specifically is Welfare and Adoption comparing the systems of the US and Ghana, ultimately to determine which leaves a child better off. I have had all semester to work on this beast, and I have gotten a lot tackled but alas! it's staring me in the eyes and with the deadline chasing my tail, it's time I conquer. So the challenge today, or this Thanksgiving weekend is to finish my paper for dad to edit.

Total Pages: 20 Days to work: 5
Pages Completed: 4
Pages Left: 16


I will update on Sunday.

the day after tomorrow....is the future.

In 4 weeks I say goodbye to my student status and hello to the world where Spring Break, Winter Break and Summer Vacation are all things of the past. I have no jobs lined up, I have no plans that are pressing. All I have are 2 plane tickets taking me to Alaska and bringing me home again where I hope to move out on my own and live a life worthy and not waste the time I have been given. I want to be purposeful not lackadaisical. Sometimes this seems like a child's dream, the perfect house, job, family. I don't want to settle for anything less than being sincere, loving, gracious, thankful and humble.

Crazy Life

As I finish the juicy tang of a blood orange I am in my thoughts. It's spring break and I have parked myself in the library in a cozy a Lazy Boy over looking the Bridgers and Ale Works. My last Spring Break ever and I am stuck indoors doing homework, well supposed to be doing homework. The crisp air outside is Winter's way of holding on to the bitter end and I am waiting in anticipation, for a phone call from the wrong boy, and an email hopefully locking in my summer plans. I think I am going to wipe this one off the books. Studying is not an option at the moment. going to find something to do that is enjoyable.

peace and rest

Coping strategies, everyone has their own. Some resort to the bottle or drugs, some to their beds, some to adrenaline and others (like myself) just keep busy. The busier the better, if you don't have time to think about it (whatever it is that is bothering you) then you wont think about it. The problem with all of these, is that once the hangover is there, once the adrenalin fades, when you wake up and when you run out of things to do, your mind is flooded with that which you worked so hard to avoid. This is where you try harder and harder drink more and more, sleep more and takes sleeping pills to sleep longer and deeper, work your brain to the point of exhaustion.

There has to be another way.

Question: What do you want?

Answer: I have no idea.

I'm 3 semesters away from graduating and I just don't know. Upper division classes allow me to actually design projects focusing on what I want to do, and I have no ideas. It scares me a little, or a lot. I feel like I have no direction in life. I'm stressing about money because I seem to be spending more than what I take in, I'm freaking out that I don't have enough time to do all my homework.....as I am writing this while watching a movie when I could/should be studying.

People around me keep telling me that I look sad, that they want to see me with a nice guy and such. I don't know what I want, or maybe I do but I shouldn't want it or pursue it.

My stomach is in a knot when I think about it.

gone baby gone baby gone

It's gone. The summer, the warm weather, the "man-friend" and my hair.

Summer seems like it just got started and yet school is just around the corner. I have three count them 3 (1, 2, 3) semesters left THAT'S IT!!! AHHHHH. I can't believe how fast college went. So many good memories.

The weather was strange this summer............it was cold. which is nice because it seems that we are never satisfied with it either being too cold or too hot but this summer was in my opinion really quite perfect. There were some intense heat on days and lately getting some rain but it is nice. BTW...I actually tanned for the first time in my life. Granted next to most I am still very much pasty white, but for me I am tan.

The man-friend turned out to be nothing close to the title. I am still healing from it, and learning to trust guys again. Are there any decent dudes out there or are they all sex crazed and driven maniacs?

My hair is always changing....short or long....i kinda miss my long hair but i kinda like it short. I wish I knew how to style it better or more because basically I always wear it in a pony tail. I do know that I am thankful that it isn't choking me in my sleep anymore like it did when it was longer. :)

Mmmmm so what is new in my life?

I have a job. It's wonderful. It's at a hotel owned locally and it's a total blast!! I love how similar yet diverse it is. I mean you say the same thing pretty much all day long but depending on who is on the other side of the counter or on the other end of the phone is what makes it different. Some people are really hard to deal with and you just really want them to go away and others you want there all day long to keep the good times a rollin. Ha ha. my coworkers are pretty chill too. Kinda weird tho, well lets just say parting sex driven guys mostly and then a few awesome ladies. So much gossip goes down in the business and I am trying not to get caught up in it but it is definitely tough.

I am happy and content being single, and maybe its fear that is keeping me away from dating but at the same time i do need time to heal and to focus on my faith and just on being me.

Well, until next time.
Rach

the end

I said goodbye
Yet the tears I cry
Of shame, guilt and anger remain
Deep inside
I try to hide the hurt, the dirt the truth of crime
Against me you plead baby stay fight through this with me
I trusted you
You smashed that trust into idy bity pieces, sharp like glass and my heart was torn
Trying to clean up the mess
Fear set in, would you do it again. You said no but you said that before.
Where’s the respect
You said you’re different, you aren’t like the rest…boy you sure failed that test.
You did worse than the worst I knew, I’m so glad I’m through with you.

update.

it's graduation weekend, not mine (I wish!!) but my kid brother. He is stepping out of the world where everything can be made better by mom and dad and into the world being on his own. He is graduating high school on Sunday. I am so stoked for him and I find myself reflecting how in 3 short years how far he has come and how much he has grown but how much he has left to learn. At 18 he thinks he knows it all, like we all did and still tend to do. He was the big man on campus, maybe not liked by all but certainly known by most. my hope for him is that he learns to value his education especially now that it wont be "free"

The last few weeks I have been thinking about how far i have come too. 3 years of college completed 1.5 to go. WoW it has gone by fast, that is for sure. I still have no idea what I want to do with my degree...will i even use it?

I can't find a job. 25 applications turned in and only 1 interview...sucky. Nothing new has been posted that I am remotely qualified for so I have been getting used to staying in my room all week. I think I am becoming lazy, actually I know I am. I wish I had the money to be in summer school. I have been in the blahs for a while so I watched season 9 of Biggest Loser - drama drama drama but I think its really neat how they have changed in 6 months. I should work out...

Speaking of work and school...I have a choice that I have to make. Do I manage basketball or do I get a job and work the rest of school? BLAH. I still don't know.

as for changing being in the blahs...I am cutting my hair tonight! saweet....hopefully it turns out. and i do need to start working out, i am not over weight but i would like to be in shape.

Stress

So a few interesting facts about stress...being over stimulated to stress can weaken your immune system and over time makes you more susceptible to chronic diseases such as hypertension, high blood pressure, chronic fatigue, gastrointestinal disorders and even premature death. I don't believe in premature death, because as a Christian, I believe that God has allowed us to live a certain number of years, weeks, maybe even just a few brief moments. We can't merit anymore years or end our life early with out Him knowing and allowing it. That said, we have a choice how to live. We can choose to surround ourselves with stressful relationships and jobs ending up 6 feet under with preventable diseases if we only chose another way of life.

I am at a cross roads. Do I continue traveling on the path of least resistance or do I mix it up and try something new to save my health in the long run? Do I make my decision based on the desires of others or what is genuinely best for me?

BAH. decisions.

falling

This fall semester has been mad chaos. I got promoted to Film Exchange Coordinator for the WBB team which is sweet, it's cool knowing that I'm considered to be reliable, however with that being said I feel like I'm not giving it my best. The system is crazy having it over email, two different exchange programs as well as snail mail or FedEx and the phone. I'm struggling with prioritizing my duties because there will be times I pass up doing my homework and studying to make sure emails are sent or responded to. The next week it seems that I am totally focused on my school work because I have papers and exams and projects with impending due dates.

I put too much pressure on myself to do my work well all the while procrastinating and not keeping organized. I refuse to stop a task in the middle, I seek completion.

The End.

I Flu with the Pigs this week

Monday: 100%
Tuesday: Horrid Cough and felt like I had been hit be a truck
Wednesday: See Tuesday and add 101.5 degree fever
Thursday: Symptoms of a bad cold with a bad cough
Friday:.....We shall see.

I don't like missing school or practice and I think I hate laying around at home alone even more. I feel worthless and that makes me cranky.

Movies watched:
Sunday - Where the Wild Things Are - LOVED IT!!!
Wednesday - Footloose - Until dad stole the remote PSH
Thursday - Proposal - FUNNY, Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock work well together :)
- Blazing Saddles - Random and funny, a good ol western
Friday - I will be pulling something off the ol shelves I think.

i'm so sorry.

your soft blue eyes pierced my heart
were you angry or embarressed?
i fought back the tears
feeling helpless watching you helpless.
in the stall
my ignorance fired heated questions Above
asking why why why
with every tear that ran down my face.

Dreams....

When I was younger I wanted to be a professional singer. I can't carry a tune to save my life and my little brother frequently reminds me of that to this day.

I also wanted to be a professional basketball player. I hyperextended my back to the point where I am at risk of herniating a disk and actually breaking my back. (I'm desperately avoiding cracks in the walkway at all costs)

My dreams became more realistic as I aged. I wanted to be a teacher, of P.E. or Algebra 1. My little brother helped me learn that teaching doesn't come naturally to me. This dream carried me through much of middle school and all most all of high school.

Senior year in Mr. Griffiths Human Geography class this changed. We watched a film about the genocide in Rowanda and something in me snapped to attention. I began to wonder how many of these men, women and children invovled died without knowing or hearing the Good News. I became grieved knowing the answer was many. I have wanted to go to Africa ever since.

At MSU, my major is focused on child health/services and developement. After taking Human Sexuality and learning about FGM (femail genital mutilation) an interest in women's studies has sparked and wanting to teach women in less developed countries about taking care of their bodies - and help these nations view women and girls more as equals and less like objects.

After MSU I want to persue Biblical teaching either at MBC here in Bozeman or at EBC in L.A.



Please visit this website if you would like to learn more about FGM. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/